Finally home after being gone for over a week, going from hotel to hotel after 8+ hour driving days and staying with ailing grandparents and crying with them.

My mom’s father, my grandpa Dave, passed away a week ago today. Alex and I were on our way to go see him in the hospital and we were just a few days away when he left us. We spent time with my grandma Judy, helping her with some of his things and keeping her company. It still hasn’t really sunk in. I had such a wonderful relationship with him and I still can’t imagine him being gone. Judy without Dave just isn’t right. I miss him so much. The doctors told us we had about three months and he was gone in under a week after that. Three months felt so sudden then.

School starts next week and I am just so behind on everything in my life. I have to drive to Seattle tomorrow for an appointment so I don’t even get to have a solid day at home after a week of solid driving. I have so much game team stuff to get caught back up on because I missed so many meetings being out of town and out of cell phone service. I have a huge stack of unopened mail stressing me out.

Here I thought I was going to have a nice month off where I could leisurely work on game art and catch up on comics. I guess that was silly to think so.

tl;dr death in my family, recovering from road trip, catching up on everything, school starts next week, anxiety explosion, not much art.

I feel weird even writing these two things together but two shitty things happened to me today: one, i lost my iphoto library and every picture from my life since I was 13

two, the important one, my grandfather recently had a brain tumor removed and we got basically the worst news. glioblastoma multiforme, grade 4. terminal. he has about three months. oddly enough alex and I were already going to be in california next week but we’ll be taking extra time to go down to orange county and visit him and my grandmother. I don’t know how that will be- the only communication he’s been able to do is simple word answers to questions and isn’t really lucid.

so if you couldn’t guess i won’t be posting much for the next couple weeks. sorry

Digipen: “We don’t want our current Juniors to be affected by ART300 becoming a Sophomore class after their Sophomore year was already over, so that’s why we made it a pre-req for PRJ300 this Fall.”

This shit is making me SO CRAZY because not only is it an inconvenience to me but it also makes NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER

I asked Asuka and she copied my email to Jim Johnson so I really hope that he’ll have some answer for me as to WHY it is like this

i want so badly to draw zabernism stuff, whether it be comics or just doodles or whatever but i just can’t. i put the stylus to the tablet and i just freeze. panic builds up. i don’t know what to do. i forgot what i wanted to do.
doc prescribed me some ativan, lorazepam is supposedly less “dopey” than clonazepam so i hope that helps
i don’t get it i just want to draw my babies and enjoy that feeling but its like some horrible clingy monster is holding my arms down and whispering in my ear that it’s going to eat my heart right out of my chest
anxiety life 2014

i want so badly to draw zabernism stuff, whether it be comics or just doodles or whatever but i just can’t. i put the stylus to the tablet and i just freeze. panic builds up. i don’t know what to do. i forgot what i wanted to do.

doc prescribed me some ativan, lorazepam is supposedly less “dopey” than clonazepam so i hope that helps

i don’t get it i just want to draw my babies and enjoy that feeling but its like some horrible clingy monster is holding my arms down and whispering in my ear that it’s going to eat my heart right out of my chest

anxiety life 2014

Well my love for Apple is at an all time high. Bellevue Square Apple store has to send my computer to engineering because they can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. The guy I’m talking to says that his boss told him to “take care of his customer”, and he felt really bad about having the computer for over a week. SO I’m getting a brand new 2014 iMac as a replacement AT NO COST. WHAAAAAAAAATTT!!!!

I GET TO JUST GO AND WALK IN AND WALK OUT WITH A COMPUTER

I SPENT SO LONG ON THE PHONE JUST LIKE “wait so youre telling me I get a replacement? for how much? WHAT? no, really? what about labor? WHAT? NOTHING? ARE YOU SERIOUS? there has to be a catch. NOTHING?!?!?!”